Wednesday, December 28, 2011

A New Year, A New Start

Hello to you!
I am missing you so!
I hope that you had a wonderful Christmas and are enjoying this time.
I have been busy with the kids and just trying to catch up on some things around the house, no major changes though. :)
I can't believe that this year is almost over, it seems to have come and gone in a blink of an eye and I feel like I have missed so much.

As if lately I have been in a huge funk, not sure why because I have so many wonderful things going on but there is just this constant tug at my heart that is yearning for something.  I don't feel creative, I don't feel motivated, it is like I am just getting through each day the best I can.

Now, it could be this time of year, it could be the fact that I am not working right now and feel a bit lost, or the fact that the kids are older and involved in way more things, which is awesome but it is almost like I want to slap myself in the face and wake-up from this feeling and get my butt going, be happy, have fun, enjoy life.

I am the type of person who's mind never shuts off, as I am sure that some of you have as well, and I get all these ideas in my head and I want to do everything NOW!  Not tomorrow, not in a month or a year but NOW!  This has been a constant struggle since my heart surgery.  I am also somewhat OCD and a perfectionist.  By that I am mean I see things, think I can do it without practicing, it doesn't turn out, I throw my little tantrum and pity party and then dwell on it.
NOT GOOD, let me tell you!

There are some projects around the house that I would like to do this winter and I also picked up my paint brushes again and would love to learn how to paint again.  I loved art growing up but since children I put the brushes down and over time, some things have seeped out of this brain.  Remember what I said earlier about perfectionist and not getting it right the first time?  Yeah, I am so on that path already with this BUT I really want to do this so I keep at it day by day when I have time.   

So why am I rambling on and on?
Well this year for my New Years resolution I want to be able to win the battles that I struggle with internally, within myself.  I guess better myself and my attitude one step at a time.  I know that is kind of a general resolution and maybe not so much a resolution but a need for myself and others around me, sometimes I can make life a tad unpleasant when I get in my "moods"  :)

So, I am determined to see things how they are, see the things that I CAN do, believe in me and trust in myself and God that there is a plan/purpose/moment for me.
I am truly blessed with the things that I have, people that I love and love me and abilities that I have so please don't think that I am whining or complaining, this is more of a stop-and-take-a-look-at-myself-and-who-I-want-to-be kind of thing.

I hope you all have a wonderful New Years and I want to thank you for all your support and friendship over the last year, I am so glad to be a part of this community. :)

Things may start out slow for me in blogland, hubby was scheduled for his back/neck surgery next week so I have much to do before and after.

Hugs to you all!!!!



becky said...

Aye, yiy, yi! I don't know if that's you you spell it but you've been thru and will go thru much more! Glad to read your ramble, Michelle...sounds like stuff I wish I'd said after I my requests for freelance jobs seems to have come to an end and I am beginning to worry about physical problems of aging...ick!
Stay with the kids! They're young and inspire energy and lots of hugs for keeping on with keeping on. ("Nana, will you make us mac 'n cheese?" when everyone else is too tired to go on...

~Lavender Dreamer~ said...

I love the beautiful quotes! I hope everything goes well with the surgery! Take care and Happy holidays to you and your sweet family! ♥♥♥

Kim@Snug Harbor said...

Your post really hit home with me - ever since I was in high school I have been saying "What do I want to do with my life?" And I still don't know. I always feel like what I'm meant to be doing is just beyond my grasp. And my sight... But I hold fast to the thought that "Life is all about the journey and not the destination" and so I drift along, and try this or that, and guess what? It's been an amazing ride. I may have to do a post on this - all very interesting thoughts. Happy New Year and best of luck to hubby on the surgery.

Cassie @ Primitive & Proper said...

hugs right back to you, michelle. i went through something similar a month or so ago and it was a horrible feeling... a nagging to do more to be more, but the motivation wasn't there. i simply allowed myself to remove the pressures i was putting on myself and felt better... just let yourself be yourself and it will fall into place.

Castles Crowns and Cottages said...

Oh dearest, it is good to see you post again. I think that THIS is the first step to help you SHAPE what you want to see happen in your life. We go in stages. I am constantly amazed that if we stay ALERT and TEACHABLE, we learn that even though time passes us by and we are left to wonder, WE CAN LEARN what is really important, and to just GO WITH OUR DREAMS AND START THEM. TO NEVER LOSE HEART. TO NEVER QUIT. But these simple truths are ancient truths that visit each one of us, they are not new. HOW WE SEE THEM IS NEW, so I pray that you embrace them and find what it is inside of you that God is giving you.


Joyce - Quilted Nest said...

Beautiful Michelle - have missed you too. One day at a time in this journey we all are on...

Hartwood Roses said...

I identify with everything you just said. Pressure within ourselves to DO and to BE can be paralyzing. Doing too much, having too many responsibilities, or working on too many projects at once causes stress that impacts everything else in life.

This past fall, I realized that doing so much, and trying to do it perfectly, was having a negative impact on my health, my family, and every other part of life. I made a decision to do whatever I can to clear some projects and responsibilities from my plate, so I can to try to open up time and energy for other things. It's a process, and a struggle, but the results should be worth the effort.

I am pulling for you, and praying for your husband. Hang in there.

Tracy's Trinkets and Treasures said...

I hope all of your dreams come true, but you must know I love you just as you are. You are special and it shines through.

michele said...

i hear you. and i honor what you have expressed.

doesn't sound like complaining at all. sounds reflective and healthy and hopeful. i need this new year to begin too!!!! i need a fresh start and fresh eyes and strength from within and above.

you are already on your way, and it's not even 2012!

best to you and praying this very moment.


Cozy Little House said...

Michelle, I have trouble "lighting" on one project and being still. But we'll do it together. Choose a project. Focus. Let the thought of what you want to do permeate your being. And begin. Put one foot in front of the other. And just keep moving. We'll see where we go!

Maya @ Completely Coastal said...

Michelle, I'm wishing you all the best as well as your husb!!! And a very Happy New Year. It's good to gain clarity for sure..., and I think a lot of us have to learn to trust life/God more and let go of control and perfectionism. Me too!! It's a challenge and a journey. But I guess we're all traveling in the same boat, ha!!
Best, Maya

Calypso In The Country said...

I totally understand how you feel since I obsess over things and am constantly thinking (and worrying). I always wonder if I am doing enough and the right thing and sometimes I try too hard to do everything! I think we are all here to learn from eachother so I think it is a good thing to be aware of those feelings. Well, enough of my rambling on...I love all the quotes and I hope you have a wonderful New Year. I hope the surgery goes well. I am sure that is weighing on your mind a lot too so once that is over that is one less thing to worry about. Take care my friend!

Linda@Coastal Charm said...

I hope everything goes well for you in 2012 and also hoping that the hubs does well next week:)


Low Tide High Style said...

I think we all feel like this from time to time, especially if our minds don't shut off and we have a million ideas. You know how I feel about your artwork, and I really hope you will pursue it this are so very talented my friend!

I hope your husband's surgery goes well, I'll be thinking of you guys! And you know I'm just a phone call away!

I wish I was close enough to take you out for tea and give you a great big hug!

xoxo Kat

Stacey@A Sort Of Fairytale said...

michele, i know just how you feel...really, i do. i go through these same feelings a lot. i am totally OCD and want to get everything done right away, including projects and decorating at home. i always have bursts of ideas too, and they don't always go as planned or I don't have the time or resources to even to try some of my grand plans! I don't think you are complaining at all, you're just putting things in perspective...trying to figure it out...and you will! all the best to you in 2012!!

Jenni said...

Hello Michelle! It was good to listen to you speaking your heart, and it doesn't sound one bit like complaining or whining! And I so completely understand what you are saying here! Especially the part about seeing things and wanting to do them all now, not in the future! Where this comes from I am not sure, but it sure drives my poor family up a tree! ;) I understand the perfectionism, too...But I liked what you said about God having a plan and purpose for you! {Jeremiah 29:11} He does! :)

I am going to be praying for you and your husband/family regarding his surgery next week! And I hope you have a wonderful New Year's, too!

Hugs to you,

Sylvia said...

Dear Michelle ,
Thank you for being honest with yourself and sharing your thoughts .I believe in the power of self-examination; inspecting your own thoughts and feelings can yield understanding of your self and peace . You are special and you have gift to bring to the world( your family , your friends , people you meet every day) . I wish you strength to find it and enjoy it .With this post you have already started writing your life .
May 2012 be a special one ! Thinking of you

Anonymous said...

You know what Michelle? It would be only a couple of days that you'll look at this post and smile. I named it as the "Phase of spent" and I have gone through it once every 3 months. This is absolutely healthy and it needs to come out.

You'll be fine, coz I know everything will smile for you. You'd wake up one day and you'll be like, "It's the day to get things done".

The surgery will go well. Keep calm and carry on. And keep that smile. You are in my thoughts.

XO rukmini

Tonya said...

Praying for you friend! I think we have all gone through this similar "funk" that you are talking about! It's not a fun place to be, nor is it fun for our families. I pray that 2012 will be a new start for you & that somehow you can overcome these things that you are struggling with! As busy as life can be, I pray that you will find time for yourself each day & do something that makes you happy! As selfish as it may sound, make yourself a priority! Take care of you, so that you can take care of the ones you love!

Amish Stories said...

Happy new years to you as well, and to your family. Have a very healthy one. Richard

Castles Crowns and Cottages said...

Darling Michelle, I am looking forward to seeing more of you we all take our journeys in 2012, we are NEVER ALONE....thank YOU again, for who you are, and for your kind and much appreciated words....PEACE AND BE WELL MY DEAR! Anita

Val said...

I hope you have the most wonderful New Year and cheers to a great 2012!!!

ral said...

I've got an idea for you, art/painting - combining that with your Bible reading/journaling. Hopefully you set aside some devotion time in the morning, then when a short window opens up in the day, maybe only a 1/2 hour on 5 X 7 practice sheets, watercolor or pencils, sketch a coffee cup, or piece of fruit, a new bloom out of the garden, or toast and jam, just every day still lifes. Just to practice for the painting you want to do someday. Sign your name, date and use one of the scriptures references that touched you during your reading or comes to your mind while you paint. File them or stack in chronological order. Go back after a month and review your progress. You should still have time for your housekeeping and being a wife and mother, but you've created endorphins. Email me for any encouragement, Happy journaling, Aloha Raliegh

Sally Lee by the Sea Nautical Cottage said...

You are learning and living! This is what life is all about...the journey.

Follow your dreams and explore them in 2012. Everything you are going through internally is completely normal as we grow up. You are in the "finding yourself" mode of life and it will be a wonderful and sometimes strange journey but you are not alone - look at all the people who have left you comments above. You have such a huge following of love and support!

Love you!!

Carolyn@SweetChaos said...

Sending hugs your way! You are not alone in your journey. I definitely struggle with how I'm spending my time, everything I'd like to be doing, everything I should be doing, things I'm not doing well enough. It's exhausting! Just take it one day at a time :) I hope you do get back into painting. That is something I WISH I could do!!

Heaven's Walk said...

Someone told me once, "Do what you love and the rest will fall into place. God will guide you." So, don't worry so about reworking the "new you", lil sis! We love you just the way you are! Pull out those paint brushes and start expressing yourself on canvas if that's what your heart (the Holy Spirit) is telling you. Look around you at the beautifully cozy home you've created. You are SO talented! I think alot of your frustration has to do with the winter season being upon us. It's easy to lose our way with the long, dark days. Go to the tanner a couple times a week. It may help, too! I'll be praying for a successful surgery and a quick recovery! Sending you much love and hugs! ♥

xoxo laurie

designchic said...

Best of luck to your husband on his surgery. Wishing you a New Year filled with health, happiness, and clarity.

Tricia said...

Oh boy, Michelle, do I hear what you're saying. I'm the exact same way with the perfectionist and OCD thing. At least we can admit it though, right? Really though, I'd rather be like that than not caring about things. Just take things day by day, keeping your goals in mind, but remembering that you don't have to do it all right then, it's important to have a balance in life. I hope you husband's surgery goes well and that your New Year starts off great :)

Cathy M~(checkitoff) said...

Michelle, I think it is normal to have ups&downs and times where you are not sure that you are on the right path. Probably your lack of snow, not working and worrying about "hubby's" surgery are putting you a bit off kilter. You are an amazing person and it is just a matter of time until you find a better groove. Here is a passage that I read the other day and think it might help you at this time: ”I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.” ~Psalm 32:8~

I am thinking of you and praying for you. Praying for hubs as he has surgery and recuperation phase. love, cathy

Cathy M~(checkitoff) said...

umm and probably some Glen Lake withdrawal is adding to your mid~winter funk. Go look at some photos and it will make you smile. I found one of Ana surfing behind the boat on that gorgeous blue water and I thought of you!!

Claudia said...


Thank you for always inspiring me. Love reading your posts. Have a wonderful 2012!
Take care,

ReFresh ReStyle said...

Hugs and prayers for you and your family...I go where you are sometimes, it's tough, praying it passes quickly. Here's to a new year, a new start, a new chance--- think of it like that everyday.

A Cottage Muse said...

Hi Michelle...I know exactly how you feel! I don't think I ever found any Christmas spirit this year and I thought I would be full of it! Now I feel very anxious, wanting to tackle all the projects I couldn't do last winter plus all the new ones I've thought of since! Good luck to your honey next week and nothing but the best to you for the new year!

High Street Cottage said...

Dear Michelle, how does one thank someone like you? Seriously...I think you've been my biggest supporter over this past year , and honestly, it's been out of the goodness of your heart. I wish...there were more people like you in this world. Thank you!!!
For not only your support but your inspiration! xoxo tami

Anonymous said...

Keep your Faith strong, keep yourself inspired in every way you can - music, friends, good books, and a stop by the beach or nature, if you can!

Many best wishes for you and

Happy (inspiring) New Year!

Sand and Sea
(aka beachside cottage)

Martina said...

Dear Michelle, it has been similar for me too! Somehow i felt like i lost my energy and was somehow not in my saddle, but running behind my horse and getting more and more tired. I so hope we get our bounce back. I so enjoye your friendship and your positive spirit. I think these are strange times in a way, and we should be gentle with ourselves and listen to our hearts. Many hugs for a great new year - happy, healthy and full of nice surprises! xx

Castles Crowns and Cottages said...

Precious Michelle!

HOW ARE YOU MY DEAR? Oh I hope you had a great celebration for the new year! WE FINALLY GOT SNOW HERE! It seemed so strange to not have any, and we had a medium amount fall last night. Oh how I have been loving this time off. I go back to work on Tuesday and I think I am ready! Before we know it, Spring break will be here.

Sending you wishes for a fabulous new start on a LIMB!! Anita

Julie@beingRUBY said...

Happy New Year Michelle
I hope 2012 brings you love and happiness and your mojo back... I think it's normal to have non-creative funk times... we need the downtime to get enthused for the rest of it... You must be a gemini.. always go go go.. hehe

Have a great start to the new year... and a fabulous 2012 ... ciao ciao xxx Julie

Love of the Sea said...

Happy New Year. I read your post it reminded me of myself when I was in my 30's. And I had a lot of those very same feelings...and they seemed to disappear as I got a bit older and as time has gone by I've become happier and more content understanding where I'm at in life is where I am suppose to be. But it isn't always easy. Hang in there. The answers will come to you since you are seeking them out.

Hope your husband's surgery goes smoothly. Here's wishing you a wonderful happy, healthy and prosperous New Year. XO

Anne said...

Michelle sweetie, you can do it!! You have a beautiful spirit and a deep reservoir of creativity... just let it come naturally and be kind to yourself. It will be a great year!! xo Anne

Kristin @ My Uncommon Slice of Suburbia said...

Oh michelle, I hear you,. I am so sorry u are going through this right now. I know this sounds a little wierd....but....i was thinking about you yesterday and I opened up my email to find a note from you. I am thinking of you, sending a big hug, hang in there, you are an amzaing peson. Lots of love to you.

Rose West said...

A very happy new year to you, Michelle! I'm glad to finally have time to come back and read one of my favorite blogs :) I think I know what you mean by wanting to do everything right now, this very minute. There are so many things I want to do, want to be, and no way I can make them happen right now. I've always been told to find contentment, but I struggle with finding the line between contentment and complacency. And yet, I know, God gives us the grace we need for each moment. I'm rambling now, but let me take your resolution too: that I always strive to be a better person. Thanks for the post, and keep your chin up :) said...

Oh sweet Michelle, life isn't always so simple is it? I'm praying for your husband to have a full recovery and for you to have patience and strength. Happy new year to you and know you have many, many friends across blogland holding your hand along the way. Hugs!

Sarah @ Modern Country Style said...

Hi again gorgeous,

I really like that 'closing your eyes' quote - it's so true but I hadn't thought it before. I shall remember that always now!

Thank you for sharing.


Bristol said...

I just found my way to your blog and this post really touched me. I feel the same way. I recently left my career to stay at home with my son. I thought it would be so easy to do the things I love all the time. It has not worked out that way kind of in a funk! Really enjoyed your blog, have a great Sunday~

Green Willow Pond said...

I am very late to comment on this, but I just have to give you a cyber {{hug}}. I've been feeling much the same way. For me I know I was just run down and tired. I caught a cold last week. I so rarely get sick and I know it was because I needed a break and rest.

This time of year always does that to me also. I should get outside and get a little sunshine, but my body hates the cold (fibromyalgia does that). Michigan is beautiful, but our winters are just too long!

You are not alone in wanting to do everything now. It's the reason I always seem to be in a disorganized mess. I start one thing, which inspires another and so on until there's a huge mess, but then it all seems to come together in one big whirlwind of craziness and everything is beautiful and done...until the next inspiration strikes LOL!

I've been catching up on your posts and it seems like you are feeling better now. I hope your hubby is recovering well. I'm sure having him out of commission puts more stress on you too. Take care of yourself my friend :)


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