Monday, December 31, 2012

Happy New Year

Hello my friends!
How are you?
I know that it has been a long time since I have posted, Aug I think.
I am doing ok, anxiety and depression are still by my side and I am fighting my way through day by day.
I am sorry this isn't going to be a happy post or one with pretty pictures, but I wanted to say to you all that I am so grateful for everything you have given me these last three years of blogging.
I have met some wonderful friends, some near and some far and some that I will have forever.
I thank you for those that have emailed to check up on me, I really cant' tell you how much that means to me.
I have been absent from my computer, using it mainly for printing pictures for my paintings.  Painting has helped me and I can get lost in it and not worry what my brain is thinking or not thinking.
I have sold a few to friends and hopefully this year, when I am ready, I can get them out there.
Depression is so up and down and there are days that my brain can't stop racing with things that I need to do, what to do, don't want to do, should do, I get pulled into so many directions that I can't concentrate on one thing.  I feel like there are so many ways to go, so many choices, but at the same time I feel bound or tied up like in a straight jacket struggling to get a sense of a normal feeling or direction.
I know that many of you struggle with the same thing, and for that I am so very sorry.  Please know that you are not alone.
I never know what the day is going to bring for me, sad, happy, angry, numb. All of these run through me.  I cry, I yell, I shut the world out at times.  I feel alone even though I am surrounded by people.  I can't make them understand something that I don't even understand.  Frustration plays a big part in it too as well as physical pain, which does not hinder me but it is just one of those reminders that the depression is still there.
I am set off by things one time and then another I am fine.
The meds are helping but it could take up to a year or so.  So while they work on my chemicals I struggle to work on my heart and soul.
I see a therapist, which is ok but the most help that I have gotten through this is my Spiritual Director.  She has been amazing and she is an artist as well, which helps so much.  She has shown me how to put my words that I cannot find into my art and writing, although I am not much of a writer.
There are good things that have come from this thing called Depression, I have learned many things about myself, even relearned things that I have long put aside.  I have done things that I normally would not have done, like fly all by myself to see my best friend.  Believe me that is one huge leap!! :)
Anyway, I know we all struggle with something, that's life I guess, no one is shielded from the hurt.  But we are also made to conquer things, get through them the best we know how.  Who knows, we may even help someone else who is struggling with the same thing.
We do our best as mothers, fathers, sons and daughters and I have realized that there are no "super" people, just people living their lives, feeling pain, sorrow, regret, happiness, joy, anger and love and doing what is best for them. 
I suppose struggles are good for us, make us stronger and make us look deeper if we choose to and maybe, in the end, in the light, we will find peace and joy and a better understanding of who we are, who God really made us to be and closer to Him.
I long for the top of the pit that I am slowly crawling out of and I know I will gt there one step at a time, one day at a time.  I am aware of set backs and I aware that this may be something that I deal with the rest of my life.  But I guarantee one thing to myself, that I will never let it fully consume me and I will fight because fortunately for me, I am too stubborn to give up and my heart and soul are strong because I know that He is carrying me until I can walk on my own two feet again.
I am also writing this to tell you that this is my last post.
My heart has been drawn into a different direction and I must listen to it for now.
I can't thank you all enough for all your amazing support through the years, I am so blessed to have been a part of a wonderful network of woman who truly care.
I will leave my blog up for a while and my email is always, always open.
I will also be stalking you from time to time, seeing what amazing things you have come up, what inspirational words you have written from your heart and just to say hi.
Today is not a good day for me but tomorrow is a new day, a new year.
I wish you love, blessings, joy and yes, even struggles because without those, we cannot truly appreciate the joy that He has blessed us all with. 
Stay positive in this world of hurt and never lose sight of the light that He shines for us.
I love you all and may God bless you in many ways.

Many, many hugs to you all!!!!!



Karena said...

Oh Michelle I will miss you terribly. I do understand and deal with many of the same issues (for me) onset by health problems not yet resolved.

Write me anytime and know that you are surrounded by love. I am so happy you are painting!

Art by Karena

Low Tide High Style said...

Sending you my love, support, and care from afar. You know I wish you only the best, and I'm glad you are making decisions that will help you, instead of always putting others before yourself.

This is your time, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that in the end, you will not only be stronger for all you have suffered, but you will take that knowledge and help others, whether it's through your art, or through your amazing gift for touching the hearts of others!

Continue your climb...and know that many of us will be there to catch you when the grade of the mountain is too steep!

xoxo Kat

Val said...

Sending you best wishes and a very Happy New Year!

tinajo said...

Hugs to you, give it time and enjoy your new year!

Lucy@heart and hearth said...

I am shedding tears reading this, you are so right in what you have written, we all have struggles but that is what keeps us needing each other and God.I love how you said that He is carrying you until you can walk on your own.I will pray for you,that each step will be a step forward and that guilt and fear will have no part of your thinking and that you will feel the loving arms of Jesus around you.Warmest of hugs, Lucy~

Desire Empire said...

Great to hear from you and that you are finding meaning in your depression. Congratulations on the art. Wishing you a wonderful 2013 and beyond.

gpc said...

I wish you many blessings, and the discovery of your own strength and the peace that lies within you.

NanaDiana said...

I miss you, Michelle, but I know what a struggle this has been for you. I have touched base with Laurie and she has kept me in the loop a bit...besides my contact with you here and there. I know that God has you in the palm of His hand...and I don't know WHY you have to suffer or what the lesson is IN the suffering...only that is must be for a purpose.

God bless you- You know that I love you and care for you as a friend and "sister" in the Lord. I hope you leave your blog up. Who knows- someday you might come back and enjoy blogging and sharing once again...and if you don't, is a history of sorts for you.

God bless you in this New Year and please, please keep in touch with me- Love to you- Diana

NanaDiana said...

Ps- Are you kidding when you said you are not much of a writer? You need glasses!!!!!

Sandi~A Cottage Muse said...

Oh Michelle, I am so happy to see a post from you! I think of you so often and pray that you are doing well. I wish nothing but the best for you and you will always hold a special place in my heart. I will always remember how you helped me in a way nobody else could and love you for that. My wish for you is that 2013 brings peace, love and joy.
You made my night!!

Privet and Holly said...

Michele, I've checked
in many times, so glad
to see an update. I am
proud of you for listening
to your heart and letting
it lead you in the right
direction for YOU. May
2013 be filled with even
more of those things that
bring you comfort, inspire,
and make your soul sing!

Hugs and Blessings,
xo Suzanne

Tracy's Trinkets and Treasures said...

Thank you for letting us know how you are doing and for being so open about your depression. I think you know that my mom died from suicide so depression has had a big impact on my life. I wish you all the best and that your meds start working soon. If you have a fb and want to keep in touch let me know. Love and hugs, Tracy

Tery H said...

Oh Michelle. I wish I could give you a hug! I was so happy to see your email in my inbox. I said "Yes!" and had a big smile. As I read your email my smile may have faded a little but just a little. You have a path you must follow right now. I was being selfish and wanted you back but it's time for you to be selfish and take care of yourself.

I am so glad you have painting and God for comfort. Who knows one day I might be in a gallery and see your name on a beautiful beachy painting. You bet I will have a "Yes!" and a huge smile on my face.

I wish all the love and support to you and your family.
I feel that God has a much bigger plan for just need to hold on for the ride.

Hope to see you in an art gallery!
Much love-

Kerrie said...

Michele,where do I start? You are really really talented in your art and it is true that you can get lost in painting, I always called it a mini-vacation when painting... The past year has been so hard on you but remember that the Lord is in control and in His timing he will open doors for you and bring you out of your depression. You have strength within that you never knew was there. Don't give up or give in to depression. Medication really can help and the love of friends whether we have ever met face to face or not can be so supportive and comforting. Wishing you great new blessings in 2013 and my own kerrieism for you: Adversity causes growth, like the flower that comes up through the crack in the pavement... Love and hugs, Kerrie

Heaven's Walk said...

Oh.....I knew this post was coming, sis....but I didn't want to read it today. :( The way you described the journey God has placed you on and the comfort that you're finding in Him and in your painting wiped the tears from my eyes and replaced it with a smile. I KNOW you will eventually kick this demon to the curb, sweetie. You are a fighter. A child of the King and He is going to help you fight it! And I will be there with you, too. Alllllll the way up that mountain. :)

Know that I love you to the moon and back and am only a phone call away. I'm looking forward to connecting with you again for another little shopping excursion and lunch. A day like that does both of our hearts good. ♥

Smuggles to you, sweet pea. I will be keeping you in my prayers! Talk with you soon!

♥♥♥♥♥! laurie

Nancy Carr said...

Michelle, Take good care of yourself. I am glad you are listening to your heart and wish you the best. Thank you for your honesty. Email any time. Peace and Blessings, Nancy

Anonymous said...

Oh, Michelle, I was so excited to see a post from you, and yet, part of me was so sad, because I had a hunch what was coming! You have been "through the ringer", my friend, haven't you?! You were one of the first people who "found me" out there in blogland, and you made me feel so good, with your uplifting, and happy nature. I'm SO happy your art is giving you peace, and happiness, and pleasure, and that you have even been able to make some money off it. Too cool! You really, really, need to go further, with that, my friend! Do you know how much I will miss your posts? A LOT! You were like a breath of fresh air! GOD BLESS YOU! And, if you ever need, or even just want, to shoot me an email, it wold be so welcome. And, I'm keeping your email address, and I'm going to use it, lol! I want to know how your life is going! Again, I, as well as quite a lot of other people, I see, will miss you a LOT!

Anonymous said...

Michelle, I'm not able to retrieve your email addess. Could you send me an email so I can get it? Thanks so much, you dear!

Kim@Snug Harbor said...

Michelle, I think of you often and pray for you. I'll miss you and your blog and your amazing talents. You have so much to offer and I pray that someday your veil of depression is lifted and you are feel to soar once again. Please stop by my blog and say hi from time to time. Big hugs! I wish you well.

Cathy M~(checkitoff) said...

My sweet friend, I was excited to see that you posted! Sad that you will no longer be blogging, but trust me I know that feeling! Please know that I am only a phone call away and always have time to talk with you :) Also, whenever I think of Glen Lake, I will always think of you and your sweet family. And the way you ripped it up on my water ski!! I am glad to know that you are ok and fighting this depression. I know you will kick it out the door. Just one day at a time. I love you lots and miss you tons! hugs, cathy

Calypso In The Country said...

Michelle, thanks for posting to let us all know how you are doing. I am happy to hear you are managing things day by day. You are so open and honest and may be able to help someone who reads your blog who is going through the same thing. Take care, my friend. Sending hugs to you! Best wishes for a happy and healthy new year!

Ral @ARTbyRT Seascapes and Island Life said...

I still pray for you often. And very glad you are painting! Share some of your art when you can, I love you Raliegh

Deborah said...

My sweet, sweet friend..I just saw this post right now and I want to just remind you of some things if I may.
There is nothing quite like the gift of true friendship, and that my sweet is exactly what our Lord gifted me with in you.
He destined our friendship for such a time as this and for forever. You are so deeply loved my angel, and by so many of us here who have had the complete blessing of becoming your friend. From the first day I found you here at Emerald Cove...I sensed such a warmth in you and came to understand that our Lord had brought us together....miles have not separated us. ;)
Without you in my life, it just wouldn't be the same. He brought you, and I am eternally grateful.
I know that the day I meet you face to face, whether it be here (hopefully) or in heaven, there will not be a dry eye for me.
I know our dear friendship will continue but know that you will be missed so dearly here. I am close in heart and I am thankful that He knows where each step is taking you and He is carrying you when you can't stand...
I trust that all He is doing in your life is amazing! Each step brings you even closer to His breast....theres no safer place.
I love you dearly my darling friend and send you tender hugs.
You are so precious..beyond what words can say.

Friends forever,
Deborah xoxoxooxoxoxxooxxooxxooxxo

Muskokangirl said...

Hi Michelle!
So nice to hear an update from you...I have checked in often to see if you had posted.
You will continue to be in my prayers. God is with you, He will never leave you or forsake you. He will heal you and make you whole, trust in Him.
I am sad to hear that you won't be blogging anymore, I have really enjoyed your posts and creative ideas...I only discovered you about a year ago! So when I have extra time I usually look through your old posts! :)

I pray that you find more happy days this year than sad and that you continue to find happiness each day.
I look forward to seeing a comment here and there on my blog from you!

xo Pam

Simple Home said...

Beautifully written Michelle. Thank you for sharing your heart, and many blessings to you for following your heart.

P.S. I'm glad you're leaving your blog up. I check back here often for inspiration :)


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